Forget Tinder and Facebook Dating… 19th-century romantics had another option — books offering ready-made examples of what to write!

One fascinating example was Webster’s Ready-Made Love Letters, published in New York by R. M. De Witt in 1873.

The book was essentially a Victorian-era guide to navigating love, courtship and marriage - part etiquette manual, part relationship handbook, and part “what on earth do I say now?” survival guide.

It offered advice for almost every stage of romance, from a gentleman’s first letter to a lady, through courtship and declarations of love, to engagement and marriage.

It also covered how ladies might respond to advances, how to accept or decline a proposal, correspondence between widows and widowers, and even the etiquette of meeting and parting from a loved one.

And it didn't stop with love letters.

The book included advice on courtship and marriage customs, wedding etiquette, the roles of bridesmaids and groomsmen, behaviour at the altar and wedding feast, and even matters relating to the honeymoon.

There were also “specimen love letters,” described by the book as examples drawn from real-life situations, together with the famous correspondence of Abelard and Héloïse, a collection of poetic quotations relating to love and marriage, and even a section on the “wonderful art of secret writings.”

Because apparently Victorian romance needed secret messages too!

So what did one of these model declarations sound like?

Rather than reproduce a letter from the book, here's a modern paraphrase inspired by its formal Victorian style:

“My Dear Miss —

Since the pleasure of your acquaintance, I have found my thoughts continually turning towards you. I fear that silence may be misunderstood, yet I scarcely know how to express sentiments which have grown stronger with every meeting. If I may hope that my regard is not unwelcome, I should esteem it the greatest happiness to know that my affection is returned.

I remain, with the highest respect and sincere regard,

Yours faithfully.”

No swiping left, and No “Hey ”.

Just carefully composed declarations, strict etiquette and a handbook to help you find the right words.

While we're talking about 19th-century love letters, there's a wonderful Queensland story that shows just how important correspondence could be.

Love across the seas

In the early 1870s, James Carothers of Bulimba became interested in Margaret Irvine after seeing her photograph.

According to the Genealogical Society of Queensland, Margaret's brother John Irvine showed James her photograph, and James asked John to write to Margaret on his behalf.

And so began a courtship conducted across thousands of kilometres.

Letters travelled between Queensland and Ireland, with the sea journey taking around two months - a rather different pace from today's instant messages!

Margaret eventually travelled to Queensland with her brothers Robert and Andrew.

The Alexander arrived in Brisbane on 11 April 1874.

And then came the remarkably happy ending…

Just 13 days later, on 24 April 1874, James and Margaret were married in Brisbane.

The marriage was recorded in Queensland, and a notice published in The Brisbane Courier on 1 May 1874 reported their marriage.

Their story survives through family correspondence, photographs and Queensland records, giving us a wonderful glimpse into how courtship could unfold in the 19th century - with letters carrying feelings across oceans and months passing between messages.

This story has been researched and shared by the Genealogical Society of Queensland in its article Love Letters to Maggie.

We encourage you to read the original article in full and support the wonderful work GSQ does in helping people discover their family stories:

Read the full “Love Letters to Maggie” story: https://www.gsq-blogs.org.au/love-letters-to-maggie-2/

Perhaps Victorian dating wasn't so different after all…

They just had to wait for the mail.

Want to discover more about your family history?

The Genealogical Society of Queensland (GSQ) was established in 1978 to help people explore their family history, providing resources, guidance and support for those wanting to uncover the stories of their ancestors.

If you're curious about where your family came from, why not take a look at what GSQ has to offer?

Visit GSQ: https://gsq.org.au/

Sources: Library of Congress, Webster's Ready-Made Love Letters (1873); Genealogical Society of Queensland, Love Letters to Maggie; The Brisbane Courier, 1 May 1874, marriage notice as cited by GSQ.

Webster's Ready-Made Love Letters (1873) is in the public domain and digitised by the Library of Congress (https://www.loc.gov/resource/gdc.11002925/?sp=1&st=text).